Welles Park original map

Literary Arts

Some of Jason’s Thoughts about the Grateful Dead

The summer/fall of 2019 has been a time of great upheaval in my life.  I was glad to have a set of music together to help process these experiences. On Sept. 24, 2019, I presented a set of music by the songwriting duo of Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter at the Grafton Pub, in Chicago, IL. This is a live recording of essay I read at the top of the show.  The text of the essay follows. [soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/706146877″ params=”color=#ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true” width=”100%” height=”300″ iframe=”true” /]   Sept. 24, 2019 Some of Jason’s Thoughts about the Grateful Dead By Jason McInnes Hi everyone.  Thanks for coming out to the Grafton.  And thank you for to the Pickin’ Bubs for inviting me.  I am very honored to play for you. I’ve made a lot of music in this room.  I basically learned to play back here. And I bet that I’ve become friends with many of you back here. This set of songs is a bit of a musical essay for me.  It’s about a collection of songs, a group of musicians and some of the energy that brought me to this show.   First a recap.  If we do already know each other, you probably know that it’s been a wild few months for me.  Recently, I resigned from the Old Town School of Folk Music, ending a 17 year career there. Peggy invited me to play tonight as a sort of parting gig, because I figured I’d be moving out of Chicago.  That may still happen, but for now, I’m still here. What will the future bring? It’s hard to know.   Do I have to know?  Good question and it’s one that I’m trying to get to a clearer answer to, partially through the work of this very gig.  Robert Hunter wrote, “Recall the days still left to come.” So here I am, recalling the old days, hoping that their memory weaves a magic spell that conjures up some powerful new days.   Robert Hunter also wrote of a road.  “No simple highway.” I’m on the highway, I suppose.  And the path of that road is for my steps alone. But, while my steps are alone, I know that I am not alone.   Which brings me to another event that pulls us together tonight.  About two months ago, I fell off my skateboard on a literal path, as opposed to the metaphorical path, and ended up with a broken elbow.  I took about 6 weeks off from guitar playing and I’m not fully recovered. That is one of the reasons that you hear this wonderful backing band tonight.  They’re here to help me out.   Please make them feel welcome.  Lindsay Weinberg, Jonas Friddle, John Mead and Andrew Wilkins.    Back to my point at hand.  Physical and metaphysical metamorphosis.   I’ve had a lot of time to look back on life.  “How did I end up here? I didn’t even know this was a destination!”  The story of what has brought me here has many strands, but I want to focus on only one tonight.   I attended my first Grateful Dead concert on August 1, 1994.  Aug. 1 was Jerry’s birthday by chance. I did not enjoy the show.  “Why aren’t they playing any of the songs I know from the classic rock radio station?  What’s with the 20 minute drum solo in the middle of the set?” What was this I was listening to?   But I could tell that something was up, something I desperately wanted to be in on, but I just couldn’t grasp.  But I self-identiefied as a “classic rocker” and I was determined to enjoy the experience, so I went back again the next year.  Nope. Try as I might, I just didn’t get it.   Jerry died on August 9, 1995.  I was rolling dough and listening to the radio at Pretzel Time; my job at the mall.  WDET DJ Martin Bandyke broke the news and then the opening notes of Uncle John’s Band took flight.  I burst into tears. I really freaked me out!  Why did I start crying? Why did I care so much?  At this point, Jerry was far from being a hero of mine and, in fact, and I had just heard him play a few weeks back and didn’t particularly enjoy the experience.  What had happened to me? I was a little dazed for the rest of my shift and, when it was over, I walked over to the tape store at the mall. I bought a tape of the only Dead album they had; American Beauty.  I popped it into the car stereo on the way home, still very confused as to what had happened. Life went on.  I move to Chicago to attend a music conservatory.  Two weeks into my new life I freaked out and I dropped out of college.  I didn’t really play music for about 5 years, outside of noodling around in my bedroom; stumbling through a few tired classic rock riffs and the intos to Blackbird and Brown-Eyed Girl.  I did notice that I started to pick up the chords to some of those Dead tunes on American Beauty; a first memory of learning a song by ear. In the summer of 2001, through a combination of many people, coincidences and a feeling that a depression was taking over my life, I enrolled in classes at the Old Town School of Folk Music; my first music classes since I dropped out of college.  Class taught by this unkept guy Steve, with baggy jeans and a white pony tail. He talked about music more like a spiritual advisor than any music teacher I’d ever had. He gave us all these wild handouts, explaining the cosmic aspects of music theory and songs seemed to magically tumble from his fingertips at the mere mention of a title or theme.   I was only a couple weeks into class when, during a discussion, Steve mentioned the Grateful Dead song Tennessee Jed.  This time,

A New Understanding of Fear

“If you go ahead, if you keep on running, wherever you run you will meet danger and evil, for it drives you, it chooses your way.  You must choose. You must seek what seeks you. You must hunt the hunter.” – Ogion the mage to Geb from Ursula Le Guin’s A Wizard of Earthsea I have a new understanding of fear.  A new fear of mortality. It’s happened because of a few aspects of my life have come together over the past month or so Last week I was in the hospital for a prolonged bout of atrial fibrillation (a-fib); a heart condition I’ve had since I was about 16.  I have grown up with a-fib and I thought I knew how to manage it.  I was wrong. Basically, for 28 hours, my heart was beating at a pace like I was jogging the whole time.  I spent two nights in the hospital which was a new experience for me. I’d like to never go back. Now, I’m living with the fact that I could have an a-fib episode at any moment, and that if it did happen again, it could lead to a stroke, or it could damage my heart to be beating that quickly for that long.  Maybe I would end up back in the hospital. [wpvideo qvf7zmHz] In addition, about a month ago I went to spend the weekend at Fargo Skate Park in De Kalb, IL. for what I called “Skateboard Immersion Camp.”  I had two days of nothing to do but skate for eight hours a day. I was pushing myself way past the limits of my ability and While I was doing that I crashed A LOT.  Over and over and over. [wpvideo 2G4MFKwD] It was what I was there to do. But then, after returning to Chicago, I kind of couldn’t skate for about a month. I had some busted up ribs. I was bloodied and bruised and my legs were weak from strained muscles that had never worked this hard.   That was in late April.  I just got back on the board this week. I got on my board for the first time and I immediately stepped off.  I was scared. I had never been scared this scared. This 9 months of learning to skateboard I’ve had some falls, but never like I did at Fargo Skate park.  And, before my time in the hospital I had no idea what it would be like in the hospital. I had an attitude of, “Well, if I have to go to the hospital, then that’s life.  I’ll manage.” Now, when I get on my board I think, “Now be careful.  You don’t want to end up with busted up ribs, struggling to breath, like you did after Fargo,” and “Be careful.  If you really hurt yourself you’re going back to the hospital. And you know what you think of that.” It’s fear of pain.  Fear of missing work.  Fear of hospital bills.  Fear of looking foolish; of seeming reckless.  Now I know about the pain; when it hurts to take a breath, sneeze or get up from bed.  I know about being in the hospital, connected to a million tubes, unable to go to the bathroom without asking someone to help me, lying there alone, too much energy to sleep, but too tired to do much of thing else.  I do not want to go back. The first time I got back on my board, I returned to the tennis court where I practice my drag stops and basic pushing, I actually had a small panic attack.  I couldn’t do it. My body was ready to skate but my mind wouldn’t allow it. I went home almost immediately. It’s been four days since I’ve gotten back on my board.  I broke down and bought some new pads and I’ve been wearing my helmet more.  I’ve gone to the skatepark three times. I’ve working on my ollie, my drag stop and my kick turn to fakie.  I bit it hard for the first time since Fargo today; crashing as I was practicing my drag stop. The hesitation I was hoping to lose over the spring has actually gained power, but I’d dedicated.  I want to skate this thing. I have a new fear.  I’m learning to hold it and be honest, “You are correct.  This is scary and things could go badly.” But, I’m not going to let that fear overtake me.  I’m going to learn to move past it. [wpvideo vIIEWGzc]  

For the
Curious & Creative

The Getting to Know Trees Newsletter 

You have been successfully Subscribed! Ops! Something went wrong, please try again.